You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
