he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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