DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
