He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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