are you so shy because you have an std?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
