angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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