I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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