Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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