the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
