someone threw a dead crab at me
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I need to align my fucking chakras
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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