Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
