Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
why is half of my head shaved?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
