I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
