i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
