I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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