thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
