why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
