woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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