i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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