Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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