Can i not drive my cunt home
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
