Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
