Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
