i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
