I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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