He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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