i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize