is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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