All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
