woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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