Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
