Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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