Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
