After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
