First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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