I love black thongs
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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