He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
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