My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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