Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize