I like to think it a success when the cops are called
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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