I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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