I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
