I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The air taste purple.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
