I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
