and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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