His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
