Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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