I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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