I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
