He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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