is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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