mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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