True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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