no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
