Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
