She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Randomize
