It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
