We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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