We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
