I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
