How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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