How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
