Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
