he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
