i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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