Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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