So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
only you would photoshop your dick
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
