Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
