1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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