i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize